Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
