We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
