I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
