Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
