Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
