My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
