Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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