I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
