Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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