did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
