Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The feeling are messing with the penis
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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