You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
