Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
