I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
