Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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