It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
