id be glad to
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
