VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
