No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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