thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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