dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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