I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I don't deserve a penis
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
