i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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