The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
