you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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