Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
