I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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