Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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