I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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