Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
