She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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