it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
you had me at cake vodka
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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