I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
