even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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