apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
