i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
