I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
