Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
