My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
