My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
