i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
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