how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
