Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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