Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
