I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
foreskin is a definite game changer
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
