You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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