Nicole vs. Life
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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