When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
