I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
