I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
