When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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