The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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