when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
