I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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